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Surviving Broken Heart (1)

How do you feel after ending a relationship?

Mine, somehow it's relieving..

But it still hurts. So much.

I'm on an up-and-down, on-and-off, long-distance-relationship for around a year. And in the end, even it's hard, I have to admit that I'm having a shallow, imbalance, unhealthy relationship.

There are times when it feels really, really good, but there are times when it's just drop dead cold. When the cold era comes I can't stop repeating questions to myself; why's he doing this; why's he doing that; why's it seem so hard for him to start conversation or share anything; does he miss me; does he really love me..

Crap.. I'm not even sure how to describe what love is..

I'm in doubt.

When I'm in doubt I start to assume and usually it leads to me crying on my pillow till fall asleep. But even it's tiring I don't have a gut to ask my questions to him. So I stick to the assume routine and the late night crying. It's frustrating. Even so, I can't make the call to end the relationship. So when he tell me that it won't work, there's a relief. No more assuming answers for my own questions.

And for the so much hurt part is that he fall for the person he want me to be, instead of accept for who I am. And even I try to be someone he wants me to be, I bet it's still not enough.

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